The truth
by Kitarah
Summary: New agent Jean Summers tries to come to terms with being a victim. she tries to hunt down her captor after his escape from prison while fighting her feelings for someone on the team that she has strong feelings for.
1. Chapter 1

Behaviour of some people are strange to others. Some will do things a certain way and think it is the right way others will do things another way with the same logic as the first. Many things are different then others. When people do crimes they use that same thinking pattern and that is where the team I work for comes in to play. We analyze the way people do their crimes and we try and solve those said crimes so the victims can have justice. Each team member is fighting their own daemons within themselves which gave them reason to join. I myself was a victim when I was just twelve years old. I was kidnapped and brutally tortured but never raped. I never knew why I was not raped but finally after several long months my attacker told me why.

"You are a child of god, you will not be harmed if you accept him in your life. You will be beaten till you know why god wishes this upon you. You will accept the fact that you are just a vessel waiting to be filled with knowledge"

Soon my screams of pain echoed in the night and that was when the door flew open I saw a man run in and next thing I knew I was waking up in the hospital. My mother and father crying in the hall way another man was talking with them and I saw the same man that rescued me.

"Hi there how are you feeling?"

"S-Sore" I said with a crackling voice.

He smiled and handed me a cup of water with some ice. Ever since then he stayed with me during the trial and afterwards. He taught me everything I know today. He trained me to defend myself and he always made sure I was in school and he made sure I was always doing good in my grades. He became my fathers best friend and he was like family to us. After all that hard work that I was accepted into the FBI. The Behaviour Analysis Unit, or BAU for short. I was wanting to prove to my best friend and uncle that I could be like him and show him I was capable of taking down people just like he did. I wanted to save those innocent ones from what I went through. There were seven very special people me making the team eight wonderfully qualified people to solve the most heinous crimes. Aaron Hotchner is the lead investigator in the team then there is myself Agent Jean Summers, Agent Derek Morgan, Agent Jason Gideon, Agent Jennifer Jareau, Agent Emily Prentiss, and Agent Spencer Reid. Then there is our Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia. As we were coming into the office to do paper work I was talking with my uncle and he was praising me for a job well done.

"You did good kiddo, listen we need to talk about some stuff. When are you free?"

"Next week is that alright?" I asked.

"Yeah sure. Remember call me often and don't forget I am always here for you when you need me to be" he said.

I smiled and when I put my cell in my pocket I ended up bumping into agent Hotchner. He was looking at me in his usual face of seriousness. He was always serious and yet I knew that he always tried to hid his emotions from others so he would seem strong.

"Is everything alright?" he asked.

"Yep never better" I said with a smile.

"Good... listen I was wondering-"

"Hey Jean your father is here to talk to you and so is your uncle" said Derek.

"Alright I will be there in a minute" I said softly.

I then looked at Aaron and he was looking at me and I could tell his frustration level was high. He was grinding his teeth and that was when I gave him a smile and I walked away from him when he told me he could wait. I then saw my father and uncle and I smiled brightly at them.

"Jean we are glad your OK, is there some where we can talk?" asked my uncle.

"Well if its this urgent sure"

I then led them to my office and I was a little shocked at why it could not wait for them to tell me when I was off of work at least. My uncle was looking at me seriously and I looked at my father.

"He is out, I know I was just on the phone with you like a minute ago but this can not wait. Your father and I have received these pictures" said my uncle.

I looked at him and then I looked at the pictures, they were of me. I almost fell when I saw the pictures and I began to cry. My life was perfect now and yet I was going to be hunted and tortured yet again.

"He sent us this letter" said my father.

"Read it to me" I said in sobs.

"Dear child, my life's work is not done. You were the one to elude me in this time of reconciliation. You will be converted and brought to justice for sending me to jail. Your family will suffer and you will accept gods wish in your life. You will be brought closer to him and you will be given to him as his final wish of me. You are the one arch angel that got away and it is my duty to bring you back to him. S."

I was looking at all of them and I thought about how we could solve this. Then it finally came to me. The team had to be brought into this. I knew they were the best to take this case and solve it before I was taken away from them. I called my main boss and I told him I needed this one favour from him. After much persuasion he gave me the OK to do the case. I called everyone in the conference room and I set up all the girls he murdered and I left my case out.

"His name is Steven Johnson. An extreme activist for what he believes is gods work. He tortures his victims and no one knew about him until he took a child while she was playing on the playground with some of her friends. He will to-torture them until they say they accept god or they die from their wounds. He has six victims, the seventh victim got away thanks to a very wonderful group of police officers dedicated to find the seventh girl before she was killed"

"Do we have the name of the seventh victim?" asked Emily.

I looked at my uncle and then to my father and I held up one picture and walked over to the board. I then put my name on top and took one little breath. This was it this was when I was finally going to accept the fact that I was a victim at age twelve to an evil no child should ever go through.

"Me" I said to the team.


	2. Chapter 2 Not Again

"Do we have the name of the seventh victim?" asked Emily.

I looked at my uncle and then to my father and I held up one picture and walked over to the board. I then put my name on top and took one little breath. This was it this was when I was finally going to accept the fact that I was a victim at age twelve to an evil no child should ever go through.

"Me" I said to the team.

I looked at everyone and they were all shocked when they knew I was the seventh victim. He did not finish his task that he gave to himself in the name of God. I took a deep breathe and that was when my eyes moved to Hotchner.

"Jean why haven't you told us before?" asked Aaron.

As I was looking at the other members of the team I thought about the events that happened. Three whole months of my life, three terrible months that I could not get out of my head kept playing over and over again. My screams echoed in my mind and that was when I looked at him.

"Because it is not that easy going around saying oh hey I'm a victim of a sadistic ass hole and how is your day going?... it just doesn't work that way. I know this is a questionable case but I have the go ahead to take my case along with these six children and try and find this guy. We will be delving into my life along with these six children to try and see how he was able to abduct all of them, all of us and to see if we can find him" I said with confidence.

"His name is Steven Johnson. He is a sixty year old male Caucasian and a very strong believer in God. Two days ago her father discovered this letter, I have sent them in protective custody and now we can focus more on getting this guy" said my uncle.

"Shouldn't Jean go in as well?" asked Jason Gideon.

"No I will be alright, I have to get this guy I need to be on this case"

"We can protect her. You are not to be alone at all so one of us will be with you at all times. First we revisit the most recent crime scene. Figure out if there is any significance to him. I want to understand if he will go after another child or if we are just dealing with Jean as being the target"

I smiled as my uncle told them he would given them my case file so they could understand how my uncle was able to capture Steven Johnson. I was watching as everyone was talking with someone on the phone. Spencer was profiling Steven Johnson, Derek was talking with the prison personnel wondering how he was in prison and how he was able to get out. JJ and Emily were talking with the parents and my uncle and Gideon were talking about my case. And Penelope was searching high and low for any information that my uncle might have missed. I was trying to remember how everything happened and Aaron was reading my case.

I remembered every detail except for when I was rescued that was still a little fuzzy to me. I was walking home from school like every other day and then I heard something. I looked behind me and that was when I was grabbed. I tried to scream but I could not because there was a cloth around me and then I passed out from the scent that was on the cloth.

"Jean are you alright?" asked Aaron.

I looked up at him and I had this blank look on my face. That was when I gave him a smile and snapped out of my thoughts. He was concerned which was normal but when he sat down beside me and put his hand on my arm I could feel the warmth from his touch surge through me and I felt safe. At that moment I felt like nothing bad could happen to me.

"Yeah I'll be fine"

"Are you sure?" he asked.

I nodded and soon my cell phone rang. I looked at him and then to my phone and I answered it. As I said hello once there was no answer, when I said it again there was still no answer. I however could hear breathing on the other line and that was when I began to shake and all the colour in my body soon left.

"Hello Jean, it has been awhile has it not?"

"Steven" I said softly.

"You know my name that is just wonderful. Would you like to say hello to my special guest?"

"What?"

"Say hello to the nice agent Sarah" said Steven.

That was when I heard a child's cry and I knew that he had a new girl. He was trying to lure me to him and so far it was working. I heard Steven praying in the background as I was trying to calm the girl.

"Jean you remember what comes next don't you?" asked Steven.

I then heard the sound of a whip and I jumped as I heard the child's scream echo in my ear. Every time the whip hit the girl and she screamed in pain I jumped and tear after tear fell down my cheek.

"Accept god into your life Sarah this is what he wants" said Steven.

"No stop please" begged Sarah.

"Agent Summers... Jean, my child will you accept god into your life?"

"Go to hell you bastard" I yelled.

"Not the answer I was looking for" said Steven.

Soon the line went dead and everyone was looking at me and that was when I fell to my knees crying. Every single thing that happened to me was like a roller coaster through my mind and I knew he was just trying to get into my head. It was happening again and I did not want it to.


	3. Chapter 3 Taken

Hey guys I hope you are enjoying this story. Please do not hesitate to leave a comment or review it is greatly appreciated. Enjoy!

As tears were streaming down my cheeks I could hear my screams echo in my mind. Steven Johnson was striking my back as I was tied up. He was reciting a passage from the bible and I was begging him to stop. I never knew which passage he was reciting and that always came to my mind. What was he telling me? All I knew was the pain that surged through my tiny body as he struck my back. I could feel the blood beginning to pool around me and that was when he stopped and he laid me in a very warm soothing bath. My tears were dry as I tried to cry but my body was telling me it was tired.

"Do you accept god now child?" he asked softly.

"I-I-I want my mom" I whispered.

He then left me in the bath and I saw my blood soaking the water turning it red. Steven Johnson actually let me sleep that night and sleep I did. My dream was of my parents and enjoying a nice day in the park that was just last week. Or was it two weeks ago? Maybe a month? The days began to mix together and I did not know whether it was night or day. All I knew is I wanted to sleep.

"Jean are you alright?" asked Aaron.

His voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I did something that I never knew I would do. I did something that was spontaneous and something that was shocking to myself. I wrapped my arms around Agent Aaron Hotchner. I could feel he was stunned and then I felt him wrap his arms around me as well. I could feel the warmth from his body surge through me and I knew that everything was going to be alright, I knew that this guy was going to be sent to a very dark place and I knew that this guy was going to receive justice for all of his wrong doings.

After I realized what I was doing I quickly let go of him and I wiped the tears from my eyes and I looked at everyone else. The entire team was surrounding me and they all had a look of worry on their face. I looked at them and I put on a fake smile.

"I-I am sorry guys, it is just all the memories-"

"You do not have to explain a thing" said Gideon.

I looked at him and nodded and I walked to the bathroom. I had to wash the tears from my face and I had to get some cold water on me. I knew that would help. When I walked out of the bathroom I saw Aaron was standing on the other side of the hallway just across from the girls washroom. He looked at me and I looked at him. Something was different. When he saw me he walked over to me and was standing very close to me.

"Jean I want to know if you will be alright with this case. I know it is hard but if you can not take it I understand and we can work the case while you spend time with your family" said Aaron.

"Please I need to do this. It is not just for the child but for me as well. This bastard stole the happiness that I once had as a child and now I am slowly gaining that back"

"Alright, just remember I am here for you" he said softly.

I nodded at him and soon we were back on the case.

I realized that Derek left with Emily and soon JJ and Penelope left and finally Gideon my father and my uncle I realized it was just myself in the office and soon my eyes began to get heavy and I slowly fell asleep with papers scattered all over my desk. At that moment I did not know but Aaron stayed behind and watched over me. He placed his jacket over me and allowed me to sleep. When I awoke I saw he was asleep on his couch and I smiled a little. I then took off his jacket and I placed it over him. I then gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek I knew that I loved him but I did not know if he loved me or not. I wanted it to happen but something inside me told me it could not. We all faced demons and we all knew the risk of having a relationship in the job we have. I walked into the washroom and was washing my face. When I was walking out that was when I saw him. I froze everything in my body went numb and I saw his smile. The smile that always made me cringe.

"I told you I would finish what I started"

he then tried to grab me and I screamed as loud as I could. Aaron woke up suddenly and he ran towards my scream. Steven Johnson quickly tied me to a door and put duct tape around my mouth and he hid. I saw Aaron run into the hallway and I tried to stop him.

"Jean I am coming" he said.

He ran as fast as he could. I tried to stop him and that was when he was struck in the back by Steven Johnson. I screamed again but it was muffled from the duct tape that was around my mouth. Aaron tried to crawl to me and I was trying to stop him.

"Tell me something agent, why do you crawl towards her when you know I have your life in my hands?"

Aaron did not answer him and when Steven Johnson saw he was looking at me and he saw the connection he struck me as hard as possible in the back and I screamed in pain. Aaron tried to stop him but it was no use.

"You better say good bye to her Agent, she will be with god once I am done with her"

"Jean I-I will find you"

and with that said Steven Johnson struck Aaron in the back of the head and he was out cold.

I was struck as well and soon my world went black. I could feel something cold beneath me and I could hear a steady drip of liquid fall onto a floor. As I opened my eyes I felt the familiar chains around my wrists and I saw the little girl curled up in the corner. That was when I heard the door open and I saw Steven Johnson walk down the stairs and he had a smile on his face.

"Hello Jean, the angel that got away, are you ready to accept god?"


	4. Chapter 4 Ready

Sorry I did not post anything sooner, I was away for the week getting some much needed rest. Here is the next chapter hope you enjoy it!

My world was shattered now. All the fears that I over came were flooding my body. All the emotions were smashing into my already beaten body. And now I was to be tortured once again. He tied me up and he looked at me slowly.

"You were suppose to accept god when you were just a child. However he told me that I could save you still from eternal damnation if you accept him now. Do you accept god agent?" he asked.

"Go to hell you bastard" I yelled.

That was when he took a metal pipe and struck me on the side of my body. I screamed in pain as the metal broke several of my ribs. He just stood there and I wimped from the pain. He then looked at me again and then back to the child. She was woken up from my screams and she was scared.

"You are scaring another child of god, now do you accept him?" he asked.

"Go to hell and rot you dirty bastard" I yelled.

That was when he struck me again in the same spot and I screamed in so much pain. It was to much for me and my world went black yet again. Images of Aaron and the team were in my mind and I just wanted to be back. I could feel drips of liquid fall on my face and I slowly opened my eyes. That was when I saw the little girl and she was dripping some water from her cup onto my lips. She then gave me some water and I drank as little as possible. I knew that she needed it more then me to survive.

"How are you?" I asked her softly.

"Scared, you will get us out of here right?" she asked.

"I promise, I know a very powerful and determined man will come and get us, my team will I know it" I said with a smile.

She just smiled at me and when I tried to move a shot of pain surged through my body. I wanted to scream so bad but I knew that Steven was asleep and I knew if I woke him the torture would continue. Finally when the pain was gone I looked at the girl and I knew that I needed her to figure out where we were.

"Listen I need you to climb up to that window and look outside, I need to know where we are" I said softly.

She nodded and she tried to get up to the window. I just laid on the dirty floor and I was holding my side trying not to move as much as possible. She tried to climb up and when she looked out the window she almost fell. She tried again and I could see her determination. She then jumped down and I saw blood coming from her ankle from the chains.

"I see the lights from the city, I think we are on a hill" she said.

"OK, is your ankle injured?" I asked her.

"It's just from the chain, the pain comes and goes" she said softly.

I nodded at her and soon we fell asleep. I needed to find away to get out of our hell. I needed to save this girl from being the ninth victim of this bastard. I wanted to get back to my home and back to my team. That was when my mind wandered to Aaron and the night I was taken. I tried telling him to run I tried telling him to leave me but he was determined, I saw it in his eyes. He ran as fast as he could down the hall way and when he was struck in the back he looked at me and tried to crawl towards me. He tried to save me even when Steven was standing over him. The look in his eyes I knew that he was beating himself up for me being taken but those little words he said to me before I was knocked unconscious, those tiny little insignificant words he said, 'I will find you'. Those words meant something more. But what could they mean?

When I awoke I heard Steven setting up something. I looked at him and he just smiled at me. I saw it was day light out and I knew that it was going to be another long day. He was humming a song and he was setting up a video camera and a computer. That was when he was typing furiously and next thing I knew I saw a video pop up. I looked at it more closely and I saw it was a video of the office. He was actually able to hack into the system. Next thing I knew he grabbed the girl and she began to scream.

"No wait take me" I yelled at him.

"Oh what is this?" he asked with a smile.

"I-I-I want to accept god, please help me mister, please" I begged.

The girl looked at me and then Steven's smile got even bigger and he quickly dropped the girl and he grabbed me. He then tied my wrists to a metal bar and I was dangling just above a drain. I knew he was going to whip me but I had to take the pain. Just till they found us. He then turned on a camera and typed some words into his computer and I saw my image appear on every computer screen on the floor. I knew they would come onto Garcia's computer as well. But what he did not know was she was the best hacker in the states and she could find us. I saw Aaron and the team gathering in the conference room and that was when Steven stepped into frame.

"Hello members of the FBI BAU, I have a very special angel here who wants to say hi"

he then moved out of frame and pulled my hair back. My head jerked back and I tired not to show pain. He tied a cloth around my mouth and I knew it was coming and there was nothing I could do.

"This is what god wants for this child and he came to me last night telling me I need to teach all of you a lesson. Especially you Agent Hotchner. She will die before you find her and she will be in gods hands. Now my angel it is time to accept god"

he then looked at the camera and that was when everyone jumped when they heard the slap of a whip and my screams of pain echoed in each of their ears. I arched my back as much as possible and I saw everyone move there heads away from the screen of the computer. I saw my uncle walk into the office and immediately he dropped to his knees. Again another slap of the whip and again my screams echoed in their ears. I looked at Aaron and he had his hands clenched together and his head was down. It seemed like an eternity before he was done and he grabbed my head and looked into my eyes. Tears were streaming down my cheeks and he moved a single strand of hair away from my face.

"Do you accept him Jean?" asked Steven.

"Go-Go to hell" I whispered.

That angered him and he punched me several times in the same spot where my ribs were broken. My world soon went black and the last image I saw was Aaron walking away from the computer. He was walking away from me and I knew that the love I had for him was not the same.


	5. Chapter 5 Alive

Here is the next chapter! hope you are enjoying it so far. Please do not forget to leave a comment or review, that is what motivates me to write more chapters and stories... Enjoy!

I soon lost track of time like before and I tried my hardest to protect the child that he was holding captive. However my attempts were futile. The pain would come and go like before and I gave up on being found. I finally convinced Steven Johnson to stop sending the video to my team of me being tortured. I could no longer take the fact that Aaron would not be there. He stopped looking at the video and all I wanted to do was see him. He was the reason I tried to survive. But now He stayed in his office when the video would come on and the others just watched, Their faces glued to the screen as my screams echoed in their minds. My world was turning upside down and yet I still managed to stay alive. I still managed to live in the cruel torture I was enduring. However I had to get out, I needed to escape. The only question I had was how?

There had to be a way out of this cruelty but how?

Finally one night I realized that my chain was broken loose. It must have happened when he was whipping me repeatedly while I was protecting the child. The pain still lingered in my body as the memory flooded my mind. I quickly got out and I woke up the girl and I managed to get the her out of her chains as well. We then went to the door and it was locked. For a moment my world was crushed. I thought I would be able to leave quickly and quietly. But now I looked around and I grabbed a pipe I saw that he used to hit the both of us. I had to wait for Steven to open the door in order for us to escape. I looked at the child and she was scared like I was when I was her age.

"Listen I am going to get us out of here, we have to wake him up and I will hit him with this pipe. You run like hell out of here and get to the FBI or police. Get Agent Hotchner" I said softly.

"What about you?" she asked.

"Do not worry about me. You will be back with your mom and dad soon. Just remember the way you came" I said with a smile.

She nodded and we began to make a bunch of noise. Soon Steven opened the door and he was angry. I looked at him and he was looking at both of us. He then proceeded to grab the whip to shut us up and that was when I hit him. He fell down in pain and I yelled to Sarah to run. She was hesitant at first but then she ran off. I stayed with Steven to try and give her time to get out and then I tried to run as well. I managed to make it out of the house and I tried running but that was when he tackled me to the ground. I screamed when rocks pieced my already beaten back, And I heard Sarah running. She was the only hope I had for a means of justice. I knew I would not survive because Steven had his hands around my throat and I could feel the air being drained from my lungs. I could not get air into my lung because his hands were clenched tight around my neck. I struggled as much as I could and that was when I saw the light. This was it for me, I was accepting my fate. As long as Sarah was able to get to safety she would be able to notify my team and they would capture the bastard that killed me. I was starting to feel sleepy when I saw the light getting brighter. Soon my world went dark and I swore I heard a loud bang before everything went black.

I could feel something beneath me and I could hear soft voices in the distance. I slowly opened my eyes and was blinded by the light. This was it I was now dead and I knew that I was in heaven. When I adjusted to the light I saw flowers and I could hear hospital noises. When I looked around I saw Aaron and the team. They were all asleep beside my bed. I was alive I actually survived again. When I looked at Aaron he slowly woke up and looked at me and then he was about to go back to sleep when he saw I was looking at him. He quickly got up and was holding onto me.

"I told you I would find you" he whispered in my ear.

I just smiled at him and he woke up the other team members. They were all happy to see me and I was happy to see them. My hell was finally over and now I was safe and sound, I was actually alive.


	6. Chapter 6 love

Here is another chapter hope you enjoy!

It was many long agonizing weeks before I would even be able to leave the hospital. Aaron surprised me a lot by staying with me the entire time I was healing. The other team members would show up occasionally and I would smile at them. Aaron would always be there and he even told me about what happened.

They were driving as fast as they could to Steven Johnson's house. Garcia actually figured out he was watching them as he videoed the torture of me. So she pinpointed the location and they were geared up and ready to rescue us. Derek saw Sarah running for her life and he quickly grabbed her and put her in one of the cars for safety. As they were getting Sarah in one of the cars they heard my scream. Aaron and the others drove up to the house and they saw Steven Johnson choking me. That was when Aaron pulled up to us and he shot Steven right in the heart.

I looked at Aaron when he told me the story and I just smiled at him. He did keep his promise on finding me. And I didn't even know how long I was captured for. When Aaron told me I was asleep for a week and I was held in captivity for several days it came as a little shock for me. My father and Uncle ran into the room when they heard I was awake and my mother began to cry like before. Aaron was about to leave when I grabbed his hand and he saw the look in my eyes. I did not want him to go and he just quietly sat back down.

Soon I was able to leave and I knew I had a long report and probably a little questioning from the Bureau chief. I was hoping I would still have my job. Even though I was captured and tortured again I wanted to help people get justice for the pain that someone else caused them.

Aaron helped me into my apartment and when he was about to leave I grabbed his hand yet again. He looked into my eyes and for a moment it looked like I could see the pain that he had with him and I could feel that he was hurt emotionally.

"Jean I... I can't do this" he said softly.

I just looked at him and I knew that it was about his late wife. She was murdered from a man who was trying to torture him. I read the report about how Aaron was in the hospital and his son and wife had to go into protective custody. It was months before he could see them and even then his wife was murdered. Another month passed and that was when I came into the picture and joined the team.

I let go of his hand and when he looked at me I just gave him a simple smile. I was moving to fast and yet I needed him for comfort. I loved him but I knew that he did not love me back.

"Just tell me one thing please" I said softly.

"What?" he asked.

"What were you going to say before all of this happened?" I asked.

He looked into my eyes and I saw the familiar sincerity in his look. I could feel his eyes piercing into me as he looked at me. I tried to maintain eye contact but I looked away. I even let go of his hand and I looked back into his eyes.

"I- I just wanted to know if you wanted to have supper that was all"

"Why?" I asked.

He then looked away and he took a deep breath. What was he about to tell me? Was it just because he wanted to have a friendly conversation? Was it because I was getting promoted and he wanted to tell me over supper? Or was it just because I was there at the time and he needed to talk to someone? I was so confused and yet he was not telling me anything.

"Why Aaron, why did you want to ask me to supper?" I asked.

That was when he took another breath and I looked at him. He then surprised me by quickly grabbing onto me and staring into my eyes. He held onto me firmly but gentle enough that I could feel the warmth surge through my body from the contact he made to my arms through my shirt. I felt the safety that I yearned to feel ever since I was kidnapped. I felt stronger now that he held me and all in that moment all my feelings were shattered into a million pieces falling to the ground like dust. All those shattered feeling were filled with warmth love and lust. His mouth was against mine and he held me in a tender embrace. I was surprised and shocked and happy all in one as he kissed me ever so gently yet I felt the firmness in his kiss as well. A new warmth surged through my body and when he finally broke contact I felt safe. I could feel the love surge through my body and I felt like nothing happened to me previously. All the nightmares I had were gone in an instant and all it took was one kiss from a man that I loved.

"Because I love you" he said firmly.

That was when he walked away leaving me alone in my apartment, filled with shock and amazement. He actually told me three simple words that I waited for a long time, ever since I joined the team. He loved me like I loved him.


	7. Chapter 7 Why Now?

Here is another chapter! hope you guys enjoy!

After many weeks of healing and getting ready to go back to the team I avoided Aaron as much as possible. I occasionally got the little phone call here and there, the smallest email's and occasional text and yet I just avoided it. I had to keep this professional, even though I wanted to talk to him even though I yearned to be held in his arms and feel the safety that I felt before.

I walked into the office building and I slowly walked towards the elevator in the main lobby. As I heard the ding of the elevator door opening I stepped inside and pressed the button to go to the floor of the BAU. As I waited for my ascension images flashed in my mind. The whip that Steven Johnson used flashed in my mind and when the elevator made the familiar ding I jumped a little. I quickly walked down the hall and I saw myself tied up to one of the doors and I saw Aaron running towards me. The feeling of helplessness was there and yet I pushed those images away from my mind and I continued to walk. I saw my desk and everyone was smiling at me and saying welcome back. I just smiled at them and I proceeded to write my reports I was behind, and to finish up on some last minute paper work. Everything was almost normal until I saw Aaron. He walked into his office right away and he closed the door. I just looked up from my desk and I watched as the oak door closed shut. As I was finishing up my paper work more images flashed in my mind of me being tied up. I tried to move them out of my head or at least the back of my mind and yet it was hard to. I could still feel the pain of the whip as he repeatedly struck me. My screams echoed in my mind and the screams of the little girl. I closed my eyes for a moment and that was when I felt the pain yet again. I tried to block it from my mind however it was impossible and before I could get up to leave I heard Aaron. He was talking with Derek about a case and when he looked at me he saw I was in distress. He quickly walked over to me and he looked into my eyes. His deep brown eyes pierced mine as I looked up at him. I could feel the warmth from his hand surge through my body as he made contact with my shoulder.

"Are you alright?" he asked gently.

I could hear the firmness in his voice as he asked me and yet I could sense a small amount of concern hidden within. He just looked at me while I looked at him. Our eyes making contact and never breaking. I felt safe in that moment and I just simply nodded at him.

"Yeah I'm fine, I'm just a little tired that's all" I said with a fake smile.

Maybe I wasn't ready for this yet. Maybe I still needed time to heal with the images that I have still popping in my head. Maybe I needed to leave this job forever and figure out what to do with the rest of my life. But no, I needed to continue on with my life like I would any other day before that little bump happened in my life that almost changed me.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, never better" I said happily.

"Can I have a word with you in my office please" he said firmly again.

I just looked at him and Spencer and Emily were both looking at me. They then looked at each other and back to me. I slowly got up and walked with Aaron back to his office and he gently closed the door. I could see that his room needed something light in it. Everything was dark red wood and he even had a black couch. The only thing that was light in colour was the dark tan carpet within. I sat down on a chair that was in front of his desk and he looked at me and took a deep breath. I looked at him and again I could feel the fierceness in his eyes as he looked into mine. What was it that I did?

"Why have you not returned any of my phone calls or emails or even text messages?" he asked firmly.

"I thought you wanted to keep this professional" I answered softly.

"Jean I know, I am just worried about you. What happened to you is not something you can easily forget"

"Nor can I forget what you said...Aaron I understand what I am going through and I am sorry I worried you. What is it you want me to do?" I asked him.

"I...I Don't know" he said to me.

I looked at him and I got up from my chair. That moment when he grabbed me and kissed me in the middle of my apartment was still playing in my mind. If I was not thinking about the torture I went through then I was thinking about the kiss that he gave me, I was thinking about the kiss that my boss gave me. My heart was torn apart. I knew Aaron wanted to keep his work and personal life separate which is why he was always firm and never showed emotion. And yet now if I was to come into the picture then his work and personal life would collide and I did not want that. I yearned to be beside him almost every day, I yearned for him to kiss me when ever he wanted and yet I wanted what was best for both of us, and if that was to give him up then that was what I was going to do.

"Aaron I understand what you said and I understand what you want, I understand what I want. But you told me that you kept your work and personal life separate, you told me that because of your wife's death and your son losing his mother you never wanted that to happen again. Aaron our job is dangerous enough as it is. I can not and will not allow you to compromise that because of your feelings for me. I do not know the future and whether or not I will be injured again or even worse killed. I need to know that you will not compromise anything because of you feelings for me. This job is hard enough and stressful enough as it is. Do you still want this?" I asked him.

He looked at me and grabbed my arm gently yet firm enough that I knew he was serious. He stared into my eyes and I could feel the warmth from his breath leave his body as he was close enough for yet another kiss. Before he could answer JJ quickly opened the door to his office and looked at both of us. I turned to look at her and she told us that we have a new case. I looked at him and I stepped back.

"We will be there in a moment" said Aaron.

I just looked at him and he let me go. I could tell he was frustrated and confused and yet I just watched him, I was waiting for an answer and yet he never gave one.

"Jean I-"

"Maybe we should go and solve this case" I said interrupting him.

I then walked away not knowing what he was going to say. Not knowing what he wanted. I needed him to focus more on this case and not on me. I needed him to bring justice to this family that was hurting more then I was right now. I could hear him walking behind me and then he said something that shocked me even more.

"I love you" he said.

I stopped walking towards the conference room and he brushed passed me as I heard those words. They lingered in my mind as he walked into the room. I was frozen in time as those simple words echoed in my mind. Why did he have to say that now?


	8. Chapter 8 Happiness

Here is yet another chapter... hope you enjoy!

I was stunned in the hallway leading to the conference room. Aaron Hotchner just told me he loved me and I was frozen. We were suppose to be focused on a case right now, All our attention on this case and yet my mind wandered. I walked into the room and sat down while Aaron and JJ were talking about the case. I just looked at him as he stood up front talking and telling us about the murder victim. It was some girl age nineteen who was murdered and left in a shallow grave. Everyone asked questions about the case and I just stayed silent. I watched Aaron as he looked around the room at the others and he avoided eye contact with me. Finally when he did look at me he looked away more quickly. I knew I missed most of the case information but I could simply catch up no problem. We soon boarded the plane to get to the location of the crime. It was going to be a four hour flight and I read up on the victim's information while the others talked amongst themselves. I stayed on my laptop the entire time and while I was reviewing some background information about the parents I received an email. I opened the email and I saw it was from Aaron. I looked up at him and he was busy typing away on his laptop as well. When I looked at the others I made sure none of them could read the email I had, then I looked back and read the content.

1:15pm- Agent H: Are you going to be alright for this case?

1:16pm- Agent S: Yes why wouldn't I be?

1:16pm- Agent H: Because you look like you are getting stressed out.

If you need to be off of this case I understand it is to early. I figured you would need more time.

I just looked up and I looked directly at him. He was staring at me and I felt the same fierceness in his deep brown eyes. He kept his composure while I stared at him and I closed my laptop. I then closed my eyes for a moment and I felt someone beside me. When I looked I saw Derek was looking at me and he was concerned as well.

"Are you going to be alright?" he asked.

"Yeah I am fine" I said with a smile.

He nodded and he started talking to me about some things on the case and I gave him my insight to the discussion. When I looked at him I looked past him and I saw Aaron was still typing away on his computer. After our little conversation Derek went and sat down by Emily and JJ and I turned my laptop back on. Before I could read the new email that I had we hit some turbulence and everyone held onto their things. When I dropped my laptop I quickly picked it up but stretched to much and I felt the pain surge through my back. Yeah I was alright when I had clothes on but I was still left with some wide open wounds that were stitched up still. The doctors told me that they would need to be closed up for at least a month and that I was not to physically exert myself. I cringed a lot and when Aaron saw this he quickly came over to me. He looked at me and I saw the concern in his eyes. I held onto my back and when he lifted my shirt he saw blood oozing into the dressing I had around the wounds. I basically had a dressing under shirt on that went around my entire torso.

"I knew you should not have come" said Aaron.

"I will be fine, I just moved to quickly" I said back.

He looked at me and he handed me some medication that I had in my jacket pocket. The other team members were looking at me and I just gave them a smile. Soon we were ready to land and I looked at Aaron. He was looking concerned and I just gave him a smile and I had my hand close to his. That was when I felt him hold onto my hand as we landed and I squeezed his. It was reassuring to know that he cared about me and that he was also being professional about everything. Soon we were at the police station and we got to work. It was long and gruesome and yet I played my part in everything. I mostly stayed at the police station working on leads and helping the others as they gathered new information and I actually forgot Aaron and I were in a relationship, if you could call it that. We actually got the job done and while I was at the station when they caught the guy and brought him in they questioned him and I sat down at one of the desks we were given. Aaron then walked up behind me and asked if I had most of the paperwork done. I just gave him a smile and nodded and he looked at me with his stern look and walked away. He was going to question the suspect and I closed my eyes for a moment. That was when Steven Johnson got into my head and the torture I endured came to mind. I was tied up like before and instead of a whip I was hit repeatedly with the metal pipe that I used to strike him. My screams echoed in my mind and I jumped when I felt someone touch me. I opened my eyes quickly and I saw Spencer was looking at me concerned.

"Are you going to be alright?" he asked.

I just nodded at him and I walked out of the police station for a moment. Aaron was done questioning the suspect and he saw me go out the door. He however did not follow me and I just kept on walking. I found a bench just outside and I sat down. I felt the cold hard wood beneath me and I held my head for a moment. That was when I felt the tears begin to fall to the ground. Each tear being pulled by gravity only to fall on the blades of grass below. Why was my mind always wandering back to the torture, constantly reminding me of the hell I went through. I quickly wiped the tears away from my eyes and I saw Aaron was standing right there.

"How-How long have you been standing there?" I stammered.

He just looked at me and quickly held onto me. I could feel the warmth surge through my body as he held onto me tightly and I could smell the cologne he wore. I could smell him and he just held onto me. He did not say a single word in that moment and I just held onto him. Nothing could ruin this moment and nothing could ruin the fact that I felt safe for once. I felt like nothing could hurt me now. I forgot about the pain and suffering I endured. I forgot about Steven Johnson, I forgot about everything in that moment and when I felt Aaron let go of me a little I looked up at him and he looked into my eyes, he then kissed me right then and there and I melted in his embrace and he held me lightly and yet firm enough that I knew he wanted this. I knew he wanted this work and I knew that everything was going to work. I knew that we were going to work.

"I love you" I said softly.

That was when he actually smiled and I looked into his eyes and I saw something that I never saw before, I saw Happiness.


End file.
